She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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