I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
