they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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