:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
