I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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