I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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