Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
even my farts smell like vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
