Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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