all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
