There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
