ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
