stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
