I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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