i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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