sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
