too bad you live with your parents still
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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