I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
