i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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