In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
