Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
