the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
