Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
