Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
