her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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