I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
