I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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