I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
