Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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