Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
