i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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