I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
