sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
