3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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