I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
