She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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