I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
