so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
