grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
