shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
