i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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