and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
