i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
