Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
