Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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