I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
