I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
