I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
