"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
