We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
