My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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