You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So squirting runs in the family.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
