How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
