You just made me feel so damn special
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
